Unsure of Love.

Ever since I was a young girl I have always dreamed of finding that special someone. I have never thought about dating several people, like on tv shows, where they go out on dates every Friday night. I always just expected that I would find one person who would want to be just with me and I would want to be just with him. And I did have that, for a long time. At first, of course, it was wonderful. Learning all the new things, spilling your secrets, learning to trust that someone. I really thought I had found him (and it may sound stupid because we were so young, but I really thought "this could be the one", but I guess that's what happens when you fall in love for the first time). And now..well, now I'm single and I've become one of those dreadful "daters". I absolutely hate it, but to be honest I don't know if I even believe in one special person. My past relationship has made me so damn cynical that I don't even put effort into anyone anymore. I've met people that have potential but I somehow find something wrong with them and stop seeing them. Maybe it's because they are not the one for me, I don't know. I know that you can't search for love, and that's not what I'm doing. But I remember a time when I would do every little thing just to make him smile. I miss being excited about love. I miss waking up and thinking about him first thing. Will I ever have that again? I'm bound to find someone else, sure, but I really don't believe that I will ever look at love the same way. He ruined my idea of love and I'm really scared I'll never get it back.